Your Mark in this World

You live in this world hoping to make a mark in it. No matter how big or small. Personal or public. Your statement/mark in life is your own. If your reading this and think "well duh?!" Then I would say this. I personally lived for people all my life up until now. I wanted everyone to like me. So I gave them what they wanted to see. I did this so much that I fooled myself into thinking that I am this way because it's me. But that's not the truth. This Jeff now is the real me and I hurt people who knew the old me. Hurt in context is physical or mentally. Hurt is a word. Not a major word but it means pain/sorrow. The one person who I needed to see me was my soon to be exwife. And I finally did it and made her see me who I have become. I am the worst and best in this cruel world. I can flip my mind to be either nice or mean so much that I fooled myself again....and again....and again. Is this a super power? I think it's a curse. A real curse that all the stories and all the people in the world don't have or have written. I am truly mentally unstable but know how to manage my thoughts to project my outcome. I can have full conversations with multiple people in multiple settings in my Mind at the same time. That's how I know what to say and that's how I know that no one is going to read this. This is a cry out for help but you can't help me. The only person who could have brought me back was Jaci Ybarra . And she had the foresight and fortitude to leave me. I'm a threat. But a measurably positive threat. A perfect yingyang, a grey jedi, a conflicting human. I am Jeff.

I'll love you long after your gone. 🎶Phillip Phillips - Gone Gone Gone🎶